Splitting the Seams

Month: February, 2015

The Plague of Storytelling


I’m a writer. Oh my gosh no way! Yes way, my friend. Yes way. Anyway, over the last few years I have discovered that I have a knack for creating stories and some kind of roadblock when it comes to actually putting pen to paper and making those words really bleed through.

Due to this, I am technically working simultaneously on five novels at once, a billion poems, and three short stories. I won’t go into their details right now, but I will say that while I love inventing world’s and stories and characters, my tiny little hands just do not work quickly enough to get down all the information my brain is trying to send to it.

Thus, the plague of storytellers is simply that we must have an outlet, a platform, a stage on or with which we can utilize to produce our art for whomever the audience enjoying our spectacle might be. I’m considering publishing serially and producing final products in print form later on right now, but I fear what may become of my writing out in the public eye. Yes, we writers still have a form of stage fright when it comes to our work.

I look forward to my first year in Washington since it will not consist of school getting in the way of my self-education which means I have more time and energy to devote to writing. I back in the flames of Hell until that day comes when I turn away from sunny California and embrace that great, wide somewhere. Where it’s cold.


The Negative Energy Diet

Have you gained weight since getting a boyfriend/girlfriend? Have you grown so confident in yourself at home and at work that it’s like that filter you had before has suddenly shut off? If so, I recommend The Negative Energy Diet. It works wonders!

In the same day that you start the deit, you’ll have turned that free-flowing filter back on and already your body will be craving excess amounts of food. With The Negative Energy Diet your mind is in control! Just tell yourself that no one will love you if you don’t loose that weight soon and BLAM! your body has already begun to change.

Remind yourself that no one really cares what you say and they’ll make fun of you or talk behind your back anyway, so why let them see any part of your mind? And just like that your verbal filter is turned back on and rerouted to fit with society’s standards!

Buy The Negative Energy Diet starter pack–with demotivational cards for reference and a skewed mirror to remind you of the way society sees you–and you’ll save a whopping $50 on your first installment of $29.95 (not including shipping and handling).

Order now and you’ll receive the Extra Negative Energy Diet Pack to really fuel you on those tough days where you’re positively the odd ball out. Call now! 1-800-NEG-ATIV

This is not a real product, in case you haven’t figured that out by now. This is just a creative rant in the form of an infomercial. This is my outlet. I write to let things out. Hah hah. Kbye.