Splitting the Seams

Why You Should Always Have At Least Two Dreams In Life

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Everybody has dreams. We might not have them right away, sometimes they take a long time to develop, but everyone eventually chooses a path to follow. And I’m not talking about night time dreams either. I’m talking about desires, goals, things that will fulfill you in life, things to mark off of your bucket list (and I’ll be writing my bucket list pretty soon). In the last article, I talked about my new goals and dreams that I’d like to achieve someday. I also know that it is going to take a long, long time and probably put me in debt once or twice in order to get those dreams cause, let’s face it, nothing in this world is truly free anymore.

This article will be shorter than the last few because it’s very simple. Some people want love in their life. For some, Love is the goal, the dream. For others, their career is their dreams. My dream growing up used to be Love. I wanted to receive love and I wanted to give back love. As time went on, I realized that no matter how much love I gave to anyone, I wasn’t really getting the same kind of love back. Then I had my first boyfriend and I gave him everything I had, I loved him unconditionally to the greatest extent. He might have had the best love that I could ever give, and I say that because after we broke up–for the right reasons–I lost that dream of love. I wondered to myself, why is it that I give all of myself, every little piece so carelessly to these people who take it for granted, and yet I never seem to receive that same kind of love, even if I put it out there? There was always that saying, “what comes around goes around,” and yet I saw so many people in life who were not very good people, who did bad things, and yet they somehow got the easy life, everything paid for, love accomplished, and what seemed to be an undying love at that. How was it that I–who put so much of myself out there–got nothing back for it when all these people faked their way through and got everything they wanted? It had always boggled me. My dream was crushed and I didn’t want to dream it again.

But then I fell in love just one more time. I gave Love just one more chance. Love failed me yet again. Once more I put my whole being on the line and was punished for it. It took two years of pain and fighting with myself, but I finally gave up on the dream of Love. Instead, I did start focusing on my career, the job I already had, my writing, my school work–all the things that never really seemed very important because Love conquered them all. Now, I’m still with my second boyfriend who broke my dream of love a second time, but I think I got it figured out.

Besides love, the other goal in my life was to become an independent woman. I wanted this before I knew what it was. I wanted to be like Pocahontas, flying through the trees, rushing down the river, carving my own path; I wanted to be like Belle, smart, risk-taking, kind, curious. They were two of the most independent woman I had seen when I was a kid and are still, to this day, my leading Disney role models. For so long I was chasing after Love that I forgot about Independence. It’s not as if the two can’t go hand in hand, because they very well can, but somewhere along the way I wanted to be in love with someone who I could also depend upon with everything. I got smart as I got my heart broken and realized that no man would ever be as dependable as the man in my head. So here’s the verdict I came to: have two dreams. The goals can still be the same, or they can be different, but the path chosen is definitely going to different.

I, for instance, want to be a teacher/ writer/ editor/ coffee shop owner someday. My two dreams are the same, but in one dream I am completely independent, happy to be alone and on my own, unafraid to enter into a relationship, but not depending in any way on any one person who I considered to be my partner. Dreams number two is the same, but this time with someone who actually wants to share their life with me, their experience, their dreams. Having a partner in life would be amazing, but if I can’t find the right partner, then I don’t want to have to settle. The paths can intervene at any moment depending on who you meet and the choices that you make, even outside influences like the choices that someone else might make. This way, if you have two dreams–one where you’re happy with someone and one where you’re happy without–then how can you never not be happy if both dreams could  be what you ultimately want?

New Goals, New Dreams?

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When I was in kindergarten, the teachers asked what we wanted to be when we grew up. At the time, I had no idea. A year later, I decided that I wanted to be a rock star. In middle school when they asked again with a bit more seriousness, I had no idea again. I knew that I was too shy and not talented enough to become a rock star. I was one of the worst singers in my choir class and I was more interested in playing the piano than any kind of rock instrument, but I didn’t actually learn how to play the piano until a couple of semesters into college. In high school, I was completely lost. I had absolutely no idea what I wanted. I wasn’t interested in any subjects  except for English and Math and that was because they were the only ones that I was good at, which surprised me later in life because starting out they were my worst subjects. It wasn’t until I was helping my friend in our trig class during my junior year of high school that she said to me, “you know, you would be a really good teacher.”

Those words got my mind thinking. Perhaps I wasn’t particularly interested in learning about English or Math, but because I was good at them and I understood them, I probably could teach one or the other subject. I chose to go to college and get my Bachelors and Masters in English. On the college level, they again asked me what I wanted. Did I want to do creative writing, journalism, technical writing, education? For a while, I debated between majoring in educational English or creative writing because I was much more interested in writing creatively than writing educationally and I could always take the tests to get my credentials for teaching later. Then I remembered that if I was going to make a career out of teaching, then I might as well take the classes needed to excel in it and take a few creative writing classes on the side. 

English Education has been my path for the last 5 years. I’m in my 6th year of studying, close to finishing my first year of working in a pretty crappy cafe that serves pretty crappy and overrated coffee drinks in a negative learning environment that promotes fear over growth. There have been a few things during the last three or four weeks that have been pushing the alignment of last night’s moment. The way that my work is, my enjoyment of a good caffeinated beverage, the authenticity and honesty of what an Americano truly is versus what we have been making (and yes, there is a difference between pouring the shots on top of the water and pouring the water on top of the shots) at the shop, the fact that Eat Your Kimchi will be opening their own dream coffee shop in Korea, how I’ve been researching plane ticket prices that could get me to Korea sometime between December and January, my boyfriend’s newfound closeness to me and the fact that he’d like to move up north for a bit, and the close friends that I’ve made while working at the shop that will bring upon a road trip to the north have all got my head spinning with inspired ideas. I know it all seems like disconnected gibberish, but I have a new goal. I would still very much  love to pursue my career as an English teacher, but the idea of opening my own coffee shop is the thing that’s been putting a smile on my face the most. 

I know that it will be difficult and it might not happen for a few years, and even then I’ll have student debts to pay and I could lose everything just to take the risk at it. But I’ve realized that this is kind of what I want. I haven’t had very many passions in my life, but of the passions I do have, I can make a career out of two or three of them. In my life, all at some point, I would really love to become an English teacher, own a coffee shop of my own, and become a book editor. I’m sure that each of those career paths will be extremely difficult and take up a lot of my money, time, and sanity. This is what I want though. I’ve always loved editing people’s work and collaborating with people. I’ve never been too good with money since I normally hoard it all to myself, so I’d absolutely need some help in the expenses part of building a coffee shop, but I’ve got some friends that can help me out with that. And my path as an English teacher began long ago and it’s a path I intend to see through to the end. Just thinking about what the future holds or what I could make of it has my heart beaming with silver joy. I haven’t been this happy in a long time.

I should also add that a big part of this inward transformation is due to my reading of Sheryl Sandberg’s book Lean In. I’m only on the second chapter and I’ve always considered myself to be a feminist. I can see how, in some ways, people could consider her to be unfeminist because she is pushing the idea of women standing up to a man’s level rather than telling men to stand up to a woman’s level, but the book is mostly directed towards women in a man’s world. The statistics she states are things that I have seen and felt not just in the work place but in life as well. Her book works for me. I agree with a lot of what she has to say. It’s not every woman’s path, but it is some women’s path. I agree with what she has to say, and knowing that there is someone out there who isn’t afraid to be her full self with the world and encourage other women and men out there to be their full selves is something that has really inspired me.

I never considered myself to be ambitious because I had always only wanted to survive. Growing up, I was taught not to ask for more than what I got and to be grateful with what I already had. I still try to live by that today, but I am no longer punishing myself for obtaining things that I desire. In the working world, I am still very shy and uncertain when it comes to asking what I want because I don’t want to seem picky or bossy or demanding. But what if I’m not any of those things? I’ve never thought about being my own boss until I envisioned what my own coffee shop would look like. I’ll write more of it’s image in a later post, but for now I’m proud of myself for letting myself dream for once, for not being afraid to dream, and for making a start at creating the new design for my life. Thank you, Sheryl Sandberg, for helping to brush away the clouds of fear and doubt, even if just for a moment so that I could catch a glimpse of what I truly want in life and in my career.

Help Me Find My “Theme”

As everyone (who has been reading) might have noticed, my topics are rather broad. I’m not running a self-help blog, nor am I necessarily a diary or journal type blog, nor informative, etc. Sometimes I’m not sure what is appropriate to talk about. Occasionally, I write articles where I complain about certain situations and standards of my work place only to delete them for fear that someone might discover who I am and where I work and get me fired even if I don’t explicitly mention any name, place, or person. I am currently attempting to write a book that I’ve had in my head for the last six years, but find it difficult sometimes to put down due to my regularly busy life, but have thought about possibly leaking excerpts of it for input from the public. I decided that I’m still too shy for that. I’m an English major, and yet I’m not at all interested in journalism and I’m too afraid that if I put my poems up online under a pseudonym that someone else might steal them. I suppose some of these risks are ones that I need to take. I really do lack confidence though I pretend that I don’t, constantly spewing explanations like, “because I’m awesome,” or “’cause I’m a ninja” when people ask me how I did something. The fact is that I’m a little lost, I’ve always been a little lost, but more recently with my writing I’ve been losing focus and my path has become foggy. I’m reaching out and asking for suggestions from everyone.

June Favorites

Beauty
I don’t wear very much makeup, but the first item in my makeup bag that I have used a lot this month is the Spotlight Red lipstick from Wet n Wild. I have also been paring this matte lipstick with the Berry plumping lip gloss from Love & Beauty by Forever 21. I really like the lipstick on its own because I personally don’t believe that shiny lips look very good on me, and I honestly don’t really like the texture of lip gloss; however, I thought that I would try out the plumping lip gloss for a bit. I like it as long as I pat it off just a bit so that it’s not so sticky.

As for products that I use on my face, I really enjoy using Yes to Cucumbers Daily Calming Moisturizer in the morning after taking a shower. It’s light and fresh scented so it’s great for waking myself up in the morning and keeping my face from becoming dry and itchy early on in the day. If I shower at night, I prefer to use Avalon Organics Lavender Luminosity Ultimate Night Cream. It is also a moisturizing cream, but it is supposed to help “Renew Radiance” in your face, keeps my face from becoming dry and itchy at night (so I don’t wake up with a dry and itchy face), and it smells absolutely divine, aromatheraputic.

The face masks that I enjoy using are the Borghese Fango Active Mud for Face and Body and the Freeman Mint and Lemon Clay Mask. I use the former when I feel the need for a deep, deep cleaning and when I want to apply it to my shoulders and my neck as well. That one you only have to wear for about 5 minutes for it to take it’s full effect, so it’s quick and easy, and the container carries a lot of the mud in it. The latter is the one that I use occasionally when I want to have a quick face wash. You do have to wear it for longer, but you only apply it to your face rather than your face and your body, and it gives a nice refreshing tingling sensation after wearing it for a little bit. My face feels clean and revitalized after using either of them.

Music
Panic! At The Disco’s new album Too Weird To Live, Too Rare To Die has been my personal favorite this month. I can’t get enough of Girls/Girls/ Boys. Otherwise, I have really enjoyed listening to my ipod on random or switching it to Gorillaz Demon Days.

Gaming
Lately I’ve been obsessed–and I do mean Obsessed–with Corpse Party. This not only includes the multiple games, but also the manga and the anime. The game for PSP is the one that I have been playing almost nonstop since I got it and I’ve really enjoyed discovering the game for myself instead of simply watching someone else discover it. My other favorite game this month is Fatal Frame II: Crimson Butterfly. I remember playing this game so very long ago in high school with my old friends, so I decided to buy it–again–and play it all over again. It’s been at least five years since I last played it. Oh, the memories…

Books
My top two choices of this month concerning my reading list would be The Khalada Stone by New Zealand author Russell Meek. It is the first book of a trilogy, and I’m pretty sure that the second book may already be out. It’s a wonderful adventure in a strange new land that he created, and while it is indeed a long read, it is a good, long read.

The second book would be The Sweetness at the Bottom of the Pie by Alan Bradly. It’s about Flavia de Luce who is so very intrigued and smitten with poisons and one day witnesses a man’s death in her family’s cucumber garden. The mystery unfolds from there. It is witty and draws the reader in instantly. The characters are loveable–even the ones who we love to hate–and the mystery aspect is done wonderfully. This is one book that I have not wanted to put down.

 

 

So, these are my favorites for the month. I highly doubt that they will change too much from month to month, but I thought I might get a new segment started. I promise to add new favorites each month though, regarding multiple subjects. Thank you all for reading and enjoy the rest of your day.

Ta for now!

Goals For the Rest of 2014

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Well, for starters, I’m hoping to eat healthier. I have a secret that I’ve only let my boyfriend know, and none of my family members read this. I don’t really have many friends either, so I doubt anyone else I know knows about this blog or reads anything from me; while I haven’t been officially diagnosed, I am pretty certain that I am depressed. I was depressed once before when I was 14 years old and it lasted for about a year. What I’ve been feeling for almost two years now is what I would describe as an amplified and evolved version of what I felt when I was 14. Due to this, my eating and sleeping schedules and intake have not been consistent. I also am hoping to maintain some kind of sleep schedule, but that proves to be difficult due to my inconsistent work schedule. I’ve noticed that I function much better when I have a consistent schedule. If I could work nights all the time, that would be amazing. Having to close, and then open, and then work in the afternoon, and then open, and then close, and then close, and then afternoon, and then open again…it just sucks.

Secondly, there are a number of things–very small, unproductive, yet entertaining things–that I wish to acquire and/or accomplish. Beating Corpse Party; The Legend of Zelda: Wind Waker, Majora’s Mask, Ocarina of Time, and Twilight Princess; Demon’s Souls; Fatal Frame. Reading the 15 some books that I’ve bought over the last school semester, including The Madness of Hallen, The Language of Flowers, The Sweetness at the Bottom of the Pie, Adulting, etc. Creating my own home supplies, such as sugar scrubs, soaps, face mists, etc. Exercising more, especially concentrating on yoga, meditation, and possibly giving Tai Chi a try. Visiting the beach more often, hanging out with some friends that I made at work more often. Watch the 50 some shows and episodes of shows that I have had on my netflix for far too long.

As for the acquiring part, well, I’d need to get Wind Waker, possibly some books or videos on tai chi and yoga, and there are still numerous books that I at least want to look through if not buy, such as Brunette Ambition and The Body Book. I’d also like to invest more money into my computer set up and buy a web cam and some headphones with a speaker at some point so that I can play more games online with my friends and with my boyfriend. One game I’m particularly looking forward to this year is The Evil Within. I’m trying to save up for that.

Another important thing that I always tend to forget about is my writing. I really do wish to finish my novel and I’ve got about 50 pages of it down now, but I find it terribly difficult to focus on my work when I am interested in so many things that I see online, all the articles on sites, all the videos on youtube, all the games and books that I want to finish, all the places that I want to go. I would love to have a beach house someday where I can focus on writing. I’ve never liked the ocean much, but I love the sound of it, and I love the weather that being close to the ocean brings. Ideally, it’d be nice to live either close to the beach or very close to the forest so that there is no sound of cars or neighbors to distract me, and no chance of receiving internet to distract me. I would really like to have a writing room of my own. That’s all in the future hopes though. More immediately, I’m hoping to have completed the first version of my book by the end of this year, but with summer laze and the school craze, I find it difficult to concentrate on it.

I’d also really love to keep this blog updated, but it seems that with all of my other goals, I may not be posting all too much. I apologize for my absence, but while I have all these other goals that I wish to complete, I might not be posting as often as I would usually like. I appreciate all of those who have read even one article of my blog. I really do. I hope to post something soon.

Ta for now.

Are You There Freud? It’s Me, Mushra.

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So, in my dream last night, from what I can remember, I had quite the audience. It seemed like my boyfriend and I were taking some sort of class on sex toys–in some odd house I’ve never been in, but that I can assume was his parents for reasons I’ll mention later–and it was our turn to try out this new thing that straps around your chest and is supposed to feel good. First he tried it on me, then i tried it on him.

Fastforward to what seems like a blur of things that I can’t remember, but I’m pretty much naked and so is he. We were looking into each other’s eyes like we used to when we first started dating, my hand resting gently on his cheek, and then I notice a cut in the shape of a 7 on the right side of his throat. When I ask him about it, he says it’s nothing. We start making out, and that’s when we hear his mother in the kitchen complaining about money, a loan that she had taken out for school that somehow went terribly wrong and now she owes a lot of money. She starts yelling at his siblings, telling them to put certain things in certain areas, and then she starts yelling at us to stop what we’re doing because she raised her children all wrong. That’s when my boyfriend tells her that we’re practicing safe sex. This only upsets her more and makes her think that she really has raised her children wrong, which I remember confusing the me in my dream because I already know that safe sex is important.

She ends up walking away, still shouting, and I notice my boyfriend’s father trying to calm her down. They disappear somewhere. My boyfriend and I are still sharing our romantic moment when we hear from the other room that everything is going to be fine. That it was a mistake. My boyfriend and I then start to make our way up the stairs when I stop and notice that his mother is taking everyone somewhere special. First his young sister runs by in a onsie, and then I see his young baby sibling of no specific gender pushing her own stroller. From beneath the baby pops out his young brother saying, “Hahah. I got you. You thought they could push their own stroller,” and then he runs off. All of them were wearing onsies. My boyfriend only has two younger sisters in real life, and no brother (that I know of).

This is when I wake up the first time. But then I go back to sleep, and it’s still in the same dream, except now we’re at the hotel I suppose we had headed upstairs to pack for. It’s my boyfriend’s birthday and I wanted to do something special for him that we couldn’t do with all those people in the house. Sex, obviously.

One thing I noticed on the table beside the couch in the hotel room was a stack of business cards from my sister and my dad. I remember thinking it was weird to be seeing those in this dream. I’m also pretty sure I was lucid dreaming for most of both of these dreams because I had thoughts on the dream as they happened, could rewind and reply and change certain aspects. I’ll get to it soon.

The next scene is of the two of us wrapped up in soft white bedspread, smiling, laughing, having a good time, but not yet naked. We start making out and undressing, and then I turn around and stick my booty out as an offering and I tell him, “Cause I never let you, but it’s your birthday.” Don’t worry, I’m not taking about anal. My boyfriend has this weird obsession with wanting to look at my butt, but I never let him. So in the dream, I did. So far, there isn’t a tattoo. I’ll get to that soon also.

It’s around this point where my brother and sister can be heard from downstairs–sounded like they were playing around on razors–and I know that they’re going to come in. They do burst in and my boyfriend and I are embarrassed. And then I stop, rewind, and try to fix it. Same thing happens again, but this time with just my brother popping in. Stop, rewind, and then it’s really fixed. My underwear comes off, my boyfriend and I start getting a little more physical, and then he squeezes my butt in a way that makes me laugh. I forget to mention that there are mirrors on the walls–though not covering them–and my boyfriend is recording everything on a camera for some reason. Both of these things I didn’t look up in the dream dictionary because they didn’t seem essential to me at any point while rethinking about the dream.

Anyway, I start laughing, he continues to tickled me, and I can see in the mirror where the is touching. “Is it right where it says…COLLEGE!” he says and tickled me on the bullet-list tattooed on the inner-bottom-right cheek of my butt, more specifically, the bullet-point that reads “college.”

After this playful little scene, we can cut right to a sex scene. And then I wake up.

This dream, while one that I would consider pretty good, yet odd, made me decide that there were too many small things that caught my eye while I was watching myself dream it that I needed to look up the meaning of them all. These were my results:

Cut

To dream that you have a cut suggests that you are being let down or being undermined. Alternatively, it refers to feminine sexuality and feminine attitudes toward sex. 

To dream that someone else is being cut suggests that you are trying to understand this person on some level. You want them to open up to you.

To see cut marks on a wall refers to your desires to break free from some obligation or relationship.

Neither of these definitions really applied quite exactly to what I witnessed in my dream, but I decided to join them all together. I didn’t have the cut, my boyfriend did; it wasn’t happening in front of me, it had already happened; skin could be considered the wall of your body. Mixing the three together also made quite a lot of sense. Yes, I agree with them.

Money

Alternatively, dreaming about money refers to your attitudes about love and matters of the heart. It is a common symbol for sexuality and power. In particular, finding money indicates your quest for love or for power.

To dream that you lose money suggests that you are lacking ambition, power and self-esteem. You are experiencing unhappiness and setbacks in your waking life. You may also be feeling weak, vulnerable, and out of control in your waking life.

To give or spend money in your dream is analogous to giving love.  You are looking for love. To see others giving money away suggests that you are feeling ignored, overlooked or neglected. Someone is not paying enough attention and showing enough affection toward you.

To dream that you have no money indicates a fear of losing your place in the world. You are lacking the abilities needed to achieve some desired goal. If you are borrowing money in your dream, then it suggests that you are overextending your resources. You are spreading yourself too thin.

Technically speaking, the money aspect of the dream didn’t really have anything to do with the me in the dream. But let’s assume that some of the other characters in my dream were projections of me in some way. My boyfriend’s mother was the one worried about money. She had found money (definition 1), but then she seemed to have lost it and therefore had no money (definition 2 & 4), the money was meant to be spent on school (definition 3). Again, none of these definitions applied quite so tightly to the situation in my dream, but loosely they all worked, and I agree with each meaning in my own life translated to me through the dream.

Loan

To dream that you need a loan signifies your worries over money matters. Alternatively, the dream is telling you that it is okay to ask for help and lean on the support from friends and family. You may be too self-reliant and that you can do it all.

Read section above for reference to Loan. Still applies.

Hotel

To see a hotel in your dream signifies a new state of mind or a shift in personal identity. You are undergoing some sort of transition and need to move away from your old habits and old way of thinking. You need to temporarily escape from your daily life. Alternatively, the dream may imply a loss in your personal identity.

Yes, and yes. I agree with both versions of this definition.

House

To see a house in your dream represents your own soul and self. Specific rooms in the house indicate a specific aspect of your psyche. In general, the attic represents your intellect, the basement represents the subconscious, etc. If the house is empty, then it indicates feelings of insecurity. If the house is shifting, then it suggests that you are going through some personal changes and changing your belief system. To dream that a house has no walls represents a lack of privacy. You feel that everyone is looking over your shoulder or up in your business.

To dream that you are inside a stranger’s house indicates that there is something that you have yet to discover about yourself. It may mean that there are repressed memories, fears or emotions that you are not confronting.

To see a new house in your dream indicates that you are entering into a new phase or new area in your life.You are becoming more emotionally mature. 

The house was pretty full, there were walls, but it was also an open sort of structure. The house wouldn’t necessarily belong to a stranger, but it’s definitely a house I have no recollection of seeing in my waking life before. Therefore, could wither be a “stranger’s house” or a “new house.” I agree with both definitions.

Sex

To dream about sex refers to the integration and merging of contrasting aspects of yourself. It represents psychological completion. You need to be more receptive and incorporate aspects of your dream sex partner into your own character. Consider the nature of the love-making. Was it passionate? Was it slow? Was it wild? The sex act parallels aspects of yourself that you wish to express. A more direct interpretation of the dream may be your libido’s way of telling you that it has been too long since you have had sex. It may indicate repressed sexual desires and your needs for physical and emotional love. If you are looking for a place to have sex, then the dream may be analogous to your search for intimacy and closeness. You want to rekindle some relationship. If you dream of having sex in a public place, then the dream implies that others are talking about your private relationship.

To dream about sex with someone other than your spouse or significant other suggests dissatisfaction with the physical side of your relationship. On the other hand, it may be harmless fantasy. In such situations, you may find that you are less inhibited sexually. Perhaps you need to bring the same sense of adventure into your existing relationship.

Sex Toy

To see or use a sex toy in your dream suggests that you are feeling unsatisfied in some area of your life, which may or may not relate to sex. There is a void in your life. Alternatively, the dream may be a play on words and that you are not taking sex seriously. Perhaps you have an immature attitude towards sex. More directly, the dream indicates your desires for a more gratifying and/or exciting sex life.

Tattoo

To dream that you have tattoos represent your sense of individuality and the desire to stand out in a crowd. You want to be unique and different from everybody else, particularly if you do not have any tattoos in real life. Consider also what the tattoo is and what significance it has in your life. It may represent something that has left a lasting impression on you. Alternatively, to dream that you have a tattoo suggests that a waking situation or decision is having a much longer lasting effect that you had expected. 

List

To dream that you are making a list suggests that you are worried about a problem or situation in your waking life.

I wasn’t actually making lists. The list had already been made in the form of a tattoo right on my ass. This definition still applies and I agree with it.

Sibling

To see your sibling in your dream indicates unresolved issues with your sibling or unresolved issues from your childhood that needs to be confronted. Consider their actions in your dream and how it may be a reflection of your own self and your character.

To see someone else’s sibling(s) in you dream represents a quality or characteristic of that sibling that you need to incorporate and acknowledge within yourself. 

My siblings in the dream seemed to be acting younger than they actually are, so I would agree with the second part of the first definition. As for the short glimpse of my boyfriend’s nonexistent dream siblings, not entirely sure how to read that one even after the definition since it was so brief, but perhaps I need to learn how to be a bit more childish in a playful sense. Keep the kid in me alive.

Business Card

To dream that you are handing out your business card indicates that you need to make more connections and expand your network. in order to be successful, you need to reach out.

I wasn’t passing out the business cards, they were just left on a table and they didn’t belong to me. It’s probably true that I need to expand myself more in order to  be successful though since I do tend to be pretty closed off.

Bedspread

To notice or buy bedspread in your dream represents your open sexuality and outward beauty. The design and look of the bedspread may be a clue into what you are looking for sexually.

The bedspread was white.

White

White represents purity, perfection, peace, innocence, dignity, cleanliness, awareness, and new beginnings. You may be experiencing a reawakening or have a fresh outlook on life. Alternatively, white refers to a clean, blank slate. Or it may refer to a cover-up. In Eastern cultures, white is associated with death and mourning. 

 

Now you have the definitions. Read into it what you would like. I know what this dream was telling me, and I heard it pretty loud and clear. It was definitely dreamt for a reason.Image

Veddink: The Wedding Proposal|The Venue

ImageWhere one gets married is another major piece of the wedding puzzle. Having the right atmosphere is everything. My sister had her wedding at this place called The Hacienda. The hall where the ceremony was held was filled with light and was relatively small. I have always liked the idea of getting married somewhere in nature. Recently I’ve been looking at pictures of where other couples have been married. The image above is just one of my favorite scenes. It is rustic, simple, beautiful. It is not perfect, but that is what makes the image of it wonderful and dreamy.

ImageHere is another example of how I might like the ceremony stage to look like. Natural, green. I would like to have a lot of natural light. Possibly having the wedding just before sunset and the after party during the evening to the night would be ideal. The way the sun looks just as it’s setting would definitely set a magical mood.

ImageThis woodsy scene is just as beautiful as the other two. The high trees set a grand stage, yet this particular one has a more rustic feel. Of course, having my guests sit on wood and possibly risk splintering their butts is not really a pleasant image. However, the idea is nice.

ImageThis last image is yet another lovely image that I think would be spectacular to duplicate or even base a theme off of. Like the others, this image is filled with natural light, natural green, beauty, but the chandeliers add a different kind of elegance to the scene and shift the mood. All four of these images are ones that I might strive to capture myself and my partner in on our special day, should it ever come. not to mention that a nice creamy white shade that my dress might have would compliment and be complimented by the soft green natural light of day. Absolute beauty.

All I really want from the venue would  be the beauty of natural green light for the ceremony, and a rustic feel for everything else. Hopefully, my wedding wouldn’t be too large or too expensive, and making things on my own might help minimize hiring someone else to do those things for me. I would want wooden tables, mismatched chairs–haven’t decided on the color theme just yet–flowers, bird cages, candle lamps in those little glass cases. But we’ll get to the smaller decorations a little later. For now, I want a venue with a natural setting.

Veddink: The Wedding Proposal|The Ring

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So, here comes the part about the ring. To me, the ring is very important. When you really think about it, you’re getting married not just for the sake of it; you get married because you want to share your life with another person, all of your life, for as long as they last; you get married to commit yourself to another person. Therefore, if you are getting married for the right reasons, then that means that whatever ring your partner places on your finger will be there until the day you die. This is the reason why the ring is very important to me. If I am going to wear a symbol of my commitment to another person for the rest of my life, I want the ring to also show my own personality intermingled with my partner’s.

This first picture is a ring that I like based on the stone. From what I can tell, it is sapphire, which is my birth-stone, so for that reason alone, I love the jewel of the ring. The shape of the jewel–not so much–but the jewel itself, yes.

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This second ring shows the simplicity that I have already displayed a liking for in my dress and hair articles. This ring shows the unity of the relationship. It is not gaudy, but modest. I have always lied the simplicity of wedding bands. I don’t like rings that get complicated, and I don’t like diamonds. If my ring ever has a jewel in it, I would want it to be a deep red, sapphire blue, or purple. similar to the color purple in one of the rings shown below.

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While I don’t like diamonds, I do like this ring. It has a vintage feel to it, and the fact that the diamonds are smaller–simple–is part of what makes me like it as well. It still has a shine and a sparkle to it, which is something that would be nice in a ring that I would spend forever wearing, but it doesn’t have that gaudy feel to it. I really don’t like gaudy, but I really do like vintage-feel.

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This other ring is cool only in the sense that the engagement ring and the wedding ring fit together, they are matched. I don’t like this ring in any other way or for any other reason than that. My parents had one of those rings where there were two hands that clasped together when on your finger, but when you took it off you could open up the hands, and under the hands was a heart. It was essentially three rings linked into one to form a perfect combination. I had always liked that ring, even though it is made of cheap, inexpensive metal–which is not something I have a problem with since I bought most of my rings at Hot Topic and they always turned my fingers green–and I liked the ring because of how simple it was, but how it was also complex and artistic.

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Again, this ring has a vintage feel to it, which is something I like. Simple, vintage, delicate.

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I absolutely love the pattern on this ring. It looks a bit steampunkish. I don’t like how the jewel end sticks out, because when you think about it practically it would catch on one too many things and end up getting injured or injuring your finger in the process of wearing it. While beautiful, a ring of this shape could get annoying. I don’t know about you, but comfort has always trumped beauty for me. If I had a ring with this pattern, I would want a stone that was inset so that it didn’t get in the way of anything or catch on anything. Practicality is also a major want and need that I seek in a wedding ring.

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Gold has never really been my color. I honestly prefer silver to any other sheen; however, this rose-gold is a color that I find I could wear and that could look good on me. I still don’t like diamonds, and if I had a ring like this I would replace those diamonds with better looking colored jewels or leave it plain. But I do like the color, and I do like the shape of the ring.


ImageImageImageI’ll talk about these next three rings all together. The first one is a custom-made ring. This is the type of ring that I think I would prefer to get. I could design all of it myself–or even with my partner–and it could be wonderful, everything I could want in a ring. The only problem with custom-made and designed rings is that they are–or at least can be–very expensive. Even so, this purple ring in all its spectacular design and simplicity is just the kind of ring that might be perfect for me. I love purple. It is my favorite color. I also love viney, flowery bands, the look of nature cast in metal of sorts and shining, which brings me to the ring second ring after.

The shape of this second one isn’t perfect. The portion carrying the jewel is, again, sticking up and out a little too much where it could get knocked off with enough accidental force, or it could end up injuring someone else or even one’s self. Otherwise, the leaves attached to a vine that wrap around the band is a look that I like.

This last ring reminds me of a flower ring that I already wear on one of my fingers. The leaves are there, yet they don’t protrude like the last one. They blend into the rest of the ring rather than stick out. And this ring has one very small jewel attached to it to it increases the level of elegance.

If I had to choose one of these rings, the purple one wins my heart. Still, I think it would be nice to be able to create my own ring. Only time will tell.

Veddink: The Wedding Proposal|The Hair

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Hair is obviously a big part of the entire wedding outfit. Depending on the type of hair you have, you can do few or limitless things, extensions included. The feel that I would choose for my wedding would be one of natural comfort. The image above is a great example of what type of hairstyle I would choose, especially since it is quite simple and is made elegant and wedding-worthy with the flower headband. My hair is curly and redissh/blondish/brown. Currently, it is just past my shoulders. If I get married when I’m 27 years old, as I’ve planned all my life–if I were to marry–then hopefully it would either stay the same beautiful length it is or get a bit longer and be more beautiful.

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Here is a slight repeat of the image above. Same great simple elegance, but with a mildly different flower headband. I also happen to love her hair color.

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Again, the flower headband, but this time the hair is in a slight updo. This is yet another look that I’ve seen that I feel I could do with my hair and that I feel would also compliment me very much. The second picture is another that I think could work with my hair, but I would probably still use a flower headband/crown rather than an actual tiara. This post, if you haven’t already noticed, is probably going to be mostly images of the hairstyles that I would like to attempt or that I’m considering.

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Here is a simple-looking, but probably very complex, hairstyle that I believe would also look fantastic on me. Depending on the type of dress that I choose, this hairstyle could either compliment my future wedding outfit or compromise it.

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This time, the first image would be my dream wedding hairstyle. I mentioned in the previous post that I absolutely adored Lizzie’s dress at the formal ball in Pride and Prejudice (with Kiera Knightly). I also happen to love her hair throughout the film, whether it was up or down. The first hairstyle I feel is reminiscent of her hairstyle for some of the film, and if it was matched with my first choice dress in the last article, I think that I would look absolutely amazing and perfect–just for one day of my life. The picture below it  is posted because I do like the hairstyle, but I also really dig the little accessory in her hair.

To conclude, the type of hair I would want depends mostly on my dress; however, these are all hairstyles that I believe will both look good on me regardless, will not take too much effort, will look good if it gets messy, and has the elegant yet natural look to it. Comfort is also, as always, a major plus. I feel that the more simple it is, the better.

Veddink: The Wedding Proposal|The Dress

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A-line dresses have always looked best on me. Because I am short–standing at a mere 4′ 11 & 3/4″ (let’s just say I’m 5′ and be done with it), I know that I will absolutely need my dress to be hemmed, and since, for now, I am also of the petite size, I would most definitely need it to be brought in. However, regardless of the alterations that would be needed to make my dress perfect, I have always dreamed that my wedding dress would be something of a mix. See, I really like Lizzie’s dress in Pride and Prejudice–with Keira Knightly–when she is attending the more formal ball; but I also love the pearled/jeweled look that the flapper girls of the 1920s give off; and I really dig the simple elegance of a comfortable-looking, loose-flowing, A-line dress. What is more, is that I also love the slightly-off-the-shoulders/off-the-shoulders look. In the image above, you can see that the jeweled sleeves gracefully fall into small cups around her shoulders to be assured that they might stay there throughout the ceremony, and the dress is very cutely A-lined. This picture is shown simply because I love the sleeves and the little bow in the back. now, I might prefer a higher back to my dress, but I have no problem with the lower back for the ceremony.

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This second dress shows a little more of the 1920s vintage feel that I really like. Its beading is similar to the flapper girl dresses that seemed quite popular at the time, the one made for parties and such, and it does have some kind of A-line to it, though it also seems to flare out slightly into a mermaid. I have never really worn a mermaid dress before, but I’m sure I wouldn’t look too bad in that shape either. However, A-line still fits me best, I say.

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This third style of dress is one that also interests me. I love the look of the shawl that connects to the dress and the fact that it is A-lined to a degree, so it would fit my body and have a rustic/vintage look to it. Yet, this type of dress might be one that I would wear more for the party after the ceremony and not for the ceremony itself. Unfortunately for my groom to be–who is hopefully by current boyfriend–I actually do want a nice wedding. I’ll go into more detail about the actual details of the ceremony, party, gifts, activities, location, etc. in another article to be soon posted. For now, we’ll focus on the dress. I feel that this would be a good evening/ party dress because it looks so simple and modest, whereas I would prefer my ceremony dress to have a bit more flair to it, as can be seen in the two dresses above.

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If I did happen to choose a more modest, and more likely less expensive ceremony dress that could also be worn at the party after–thus saving me more money since I wouldn’t have to invest in two dresses–I would probably choose a dress like this. It has both the comfort and the elegance that I desire in my wedding dress. It is loose flowing, not too tight, not corseted–though I do love corsets–it has the slightly off the shoulder sheer cap sleeves, and it is very reminiscent of Lizzie’s dress at the formal ball scene in Pride and Prejudice. If you’re wondering how I would do my hair or what about my shoes, well, that will also be in another short segment.

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This image above is yet another idea of how I might like my dress to be. If I am unable to get cap sleeves or anything that looks close enough to any of the dresses above for the price within my undecided budget (seeing as how I am not even engaged yet, merely dreaming and planning for “when,” for “if”) then I would probably go for a dress like this. It is, once again, comfortable looking, flowy, A-lined, simple, elegant. It is just another version of everything I am looking for. Add the right accessories and it could turn into everything I am looking for.

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This last dress is really more for fun. It has an Indian wedding feel to it, beautiful colors, wonderful, flowing,. fun shape. I saw the picture of this dress and simply loved it. I would get a different type of style at my neck to hold it up rather than the one in the picture, but I simply adore this dress. If my wedding ever made a strange turn of events and the theme changed, this would be the dress I might choose.

These were all of the images of my favorite kinds of dresses in almost total. I have found many dresses, each of which I like bits and pieces of, but never the whole thing, and yet these six dresses I like in near completion, I like almost everything about them, and if I tried any of them on, I’m sure that I might cry out, “this is the one,” with tears in my eyes as most brides tend to do. Most, not all.